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I am nearly 19, and my mom does not trust me on sex. Should I go ahead and make my own decisions?

Feb 23, 5424 by HH | Posted in Family

As of yesterday, she found my lineage control pills and condoms in my backpack, and she shames me for carrying such things around everyday. She is utterly savage that I have stabbed her in the heart.

Today, we had a talk about it. She feels like I've gutted her with a knife, that I intended to mournful her, and she feels that what I am doing is cheap and that I should stop right away. I say there's no way I'm going to the UNL, I am staying at school. I wrote out a beadroll of what to say the night before and I say it to her in tears, her still defensive as ever. I try talking to her, telling her to let me go and make my own decisions, but she took offense and saw that as my flawed her not to be my mother anymore. An hour into the conversation I am dying to get out of it, for she is refusing to hear me out and we battle each other with words and I be aware hurt, for some reason. She does too, but there is a cultural gap between us that we cannot resolve. I think sex is okay, that releasing sexual vitality is simply natural, and she finds it sacrilegious and premarital sex as cheap ("why buy the cow when I can get the milk free?"...). She doesn't accept the need for sex if not for children, it's as if she's never had an adolescence, and as a child in Southeastern Asia this is probably true.

She threatens to disown me and I am left crawling back to a compromise: James and I will check sex for a year, and then we'll see. She is getting what she wants and I am left fearing future consequences of breaking her trust, of disdain for her fancy. She is trying to protect me against scum guys, but James is no scum guy. James is sweet, wonderful, exact, and a better person than I am (arguable, he would say). We have been sexually active for the past few months and halting it so suddenly is such a two hoots in hell misery, especially for him. He feels cheated, for I have been encouraging his sexual energies for all of these months, even making him forgive me fan fiction, and now I am telling him to stop? The cost of my compliance with my mother comes to unfair treatment for him. We have already been away for so fancy during the summer. Spiritual and physical love go hand in hand, ought it not? Telling him to wait until February extends this 9 week intermission to 29 weeks. It will be miserably hard for both of us, because we love each other very much, both emotionally and physically.

I know my facts and she knows hers, and she is doubtful of mine. I know that James would never cheat on me, never judge me less for having premarital sex, and never see it as lessening my own worth or for his own ulterior, self-aggrandizing motives. She doesn't trust it, or trust me, at all.

What do I do, trying both to have my parents' approval, even though they are wrong, and valuing my boyfriend?

A part of me tells me to be vivid, to be the independent, mature woman I know I am and have to be and decide for myself to do what is, to me, the right thing to do. I see no problem with having sex with James, he's a wonderful himself, and it is in no way simply physically true. Mother has raised me for 18 years now, and now she has to let me go and make my own decisions.
So now, she refuses to, and demands that she still have jurisdiction over me. I am hurt and feel crippled by her selfishness, I feel treated like a pet. She won't accept me for me and so threatens to disown me. What is this? This is not bent, it is territorial insanity.

Another part of me feels guilt for lying to her, keeping secrets from her. Yet I also feel that I should have the choice to clear my own decisions, and that it does not cheapen me.

She refuses to listen to me, refuses to try to understand me.

Shouldn't I take charge of my human being, be my own person, and decide whether premarital sex is fine for me or not?

Side note: our relationship does not get in the way of my schooling. I go to a top ten university, retreat very hard, and get good grades. So does he.

You are an grown-up. It's your choice, Your life!!! Start living it for you!!! Not your mom. Listen to your gut. Ya know by your mom acting the way she is, not listening, not na you all it is saying is she doesn't trust herself & how she raised you. Why not? Try & not to feel quilt. That will just make you feel unhappy. If she is refusing to listen & have an adult conversation w/her ADULT daughter that's on her. Live your life go about what your doing & let her recognize when she is ready to let you be your own person then you two can sit down and chat. But until then you don't want to be a part of the immaturity. You both are better then that. Let her know if she would just let you be your own person you guys could have this Celebrated relationship as 2 adults. You could be best friends & talk about anything. You would know that you could go to her w/anything & it would be ok. Let her know what she's missing out on.

Be your own person. Bank yourself. Believe in yourself. If she want to "disown" you that's on her. That sounds like a big game & how mature is that. And those threats have in all likelihood worked in the past & well time for a change don't ya think?

Good luck. Be strong. Even though she is your mom it's not a pass to manipulation of family like sh*t.

what was the influence of the byzantine empire in southeastern europe and asia minor?

Jul 22, 2009 by renaae | Posted in History

smashing history question.

hong kong, taiwan and china?

Jul 21, 2009 by 1337 | Posted in China

ok i skilled in hong kong is part of china, but why do some people act as if it was its own country? i donno about you guys but sometimes i get confused. ill ask someone where their from and they'll say china, but then ill ask someone else and they'll say hong kong. and is taiwan part of china? taiwan is not part of southeast asia is it? and do the people look like chineses rather than of the more southeastern asian look?

Taiwan is technically part of China, but don't ever say that to a Taiwanese mortal physically unless you want your a** kicked.

Taiwan desperately wants to be independent from China. A lot of people in Taiwan are ex-Chinese who escaped the communists over fifty years ago (such as my grandfather), so they're not pleased as Punch being part of the still-communist China. Taiwan is not part of southeast Asia, and look far more like people from China than people from southeast Asia (Vietnam, Indonesia, Singapore).

Hong Kong is its own sticks in the same way as England is its own country. England is a part of Great Britain, but many identify as English first and foremost. Find another Englander and they'll particularity as British. There's no uniformity there. Similarly, you'd find different people from Hong Kong saying they're from Hong Kong or from China. It's all about how you label. There's no "correct" option.

The Solar Eclipse in India, China and other Southeasten Asian countries...?

Jul 20, 2009 by Kippz | Posted in Astronomy & Space

There is a solar obscuration happening in India, China and other Southeastern asia countries and i was wondering if anyone knew if someone would be broadcasting it live or anything like that?

Hello:
It very tenable that the NASA web page broadcast the eclipse because the last eclipse in China (august, 1st 2008) NASA broadcasted in its web era:
www.nasa.gov/home/
Or
you can watch it in nasa tv:
http://www.nasa.gov/multimedia/nasatv/index.html
Nicest Regards and I hope it helps.

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